{"id":1132,"date":"2015-03-12T12:35:22","date_gmt":"2015-03-12T16:35:22","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/familyengagement.nipissingu.ca\/?p=1132"},"modified":"2019-07-22T15:21:29","modified_gmt":"2019-07-22T19:21:29","slug":"too-much-too-little-or-just-the-right-amount-of-struggle-what-do-butterflies-have-to-do-with-engagement","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wpms.nipissingu.ca\/familyengagement\/2015\/03\/12\/too-much-too-little-or-just-the-right-amount-of-struggle-what-do-butterflies-have-to-do-with-engagement\/","title":{"rendered":"Too Much, Too Little, or Just the Right Amount of Struggle: What Do Butterflies Have to Do With Engagement?"},"content":{"rendered":"

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As a family, a school, and a community, we want what is best for our children; we\u00a0want them to be successful, to have a world of opportunities, to be comfortable, and to be confident. For some, this means finding the right balance\u00a0between guiding and supporting without an overemphasis on\u00a0doing, problem-solving, decision-making, and shielding from negative experiences or natural consequences. Perhaps I’m pushing the season a bit, hoping for Spring to finally arrive, but… when I think about the consequences of\u00a0over-engagement, I think about the butterfly, who needs\u00a0to struggle, to fail, and to try again and again to work its way out of the safety of its cocoon; if we free it too soon, it doesn’t develop the necessary strength, independence, and resilience to fly into the world.<\/p>\n

A Note to School<\/p>\n

My children are now grown and living independently on their own, but I still find myself actively engaged in their lives and at times, in their educational pursuits. As day-to-day living kicks in, I often wonder whether my level of engagement was, and continues to be, too much, too little, or just right. Over the years, I have retained evidence of their learning;\u00a0today, I can honestly say it is hard to believe that some\u00a0of the work was\u00a0done by a child. Despite their \u00a0success in such work, I now wonder\u00a0how much problem-solving, independence, and pride in work done I may have taken from them. Today, I am more\u00a0aware\u00a0of the need to sit back and support in a way that leaves decision-making\u00a0in tact ensuring that the ultimate finished product is their work, even if\u00a0they struggle. It\u2019s not always easy to let go (more difficult when it doesn’t fit my vision!), but I now work harder at this being part of our story.<\/p>\n

A still-growing parent<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

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On the whole, families, schools, and communities encounter the whole spectrum \u2013 from perceived under-engagement to over-engagement, to\u00a0simply a mismatch between what is being asked and what is being done. Over-engagement, for many families, schools, communities, even sports teams is a topic of much discussion: See\u00a0Can Too Much Parental Involvement Have a Negative Effect on Elementary Students?\u00a0<\/a>Parental Involvement in School Projects: Too Much of a Good Thing<\/a>,\u00a0Can Too Much Parental Involvement Be Bad?<\/a>, Taming the Beast: Excessive Parental Involvement in Youth Sports<\/a>, just to\u00a0name a few.<\/p>\n