{"id":697,"date":"2014-12-11T22:26:35","date_gmt":"2014-12-12T03:26:35","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/familyengagement.nipissingu.ca\/?p=697"},"modified":"2019-07-22T15:22:31","modified_gmt":"2019-07-22T19:22:31","slug":"abcs-of-engaged-families-in-the-21st-century","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wpms.nipissingu.ca\/familyengagement\/2014\/12\/11\/abcs-of-engaged-families-in-the-21st-century\/","title":{"rendered":"ABCs of Engaged Families in the 21st Century"},"content":{"rendered":"<p style=\"text-align: justify\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wpms.nipissingu.ca\/familyengagement\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/26\/2014\/12\/Parenting-quote-lasting-bequests.png\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter wp-image-716 \" src=\"https:\/\/wpms.nipissingu.ca\/familyengagement\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/26\/2014\/12\/Parenting-quote-lasting-bequests.png\" alt=\"Parenting-quote-lasting-bequests\" width=\"341\" height=\"186\" srcset=\"https:\/\/wpms.nipissingu.ca\/familyengagement\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/26\/2014\/12\/Parenting-quote-lasting-bequests.png 550w, https:\/\/wpms.nipissingu.ca\/familyengagement\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/26\/2014\/12\/Parenting-quote-lasting-bequests-300x163.png 300w, https:\/\/wpms.nipissingu.ca\/familyengagement\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/26\/2014\/12\/Parenting-quote-lasting-bequests-250x136.png 250w, https:\/\/wpms.nipissingu.ca\/familyengagement\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/26\/2014\/12\/Parenting-quote-lasting-bequests-150x81.png 150w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 341px) 100vw, 341px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\">The sheer bombardment of information about parenting and raising a family is intimidating, particularly for those\u00a0who are looking for a simple answer to what they feel is a simple question. How can schools, school councils, school boards, community agencies, or even other families help families to weed through all this stuff in a way that does not imply judgment, influence, interference, or thinking that <em>we know best? <\/em>Sharing an ABCs of families, or getting families to construct their own, might be a great\u00a0place\u00a0to start.<!--more--><\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\">A Note to School<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\">I was looking for an answer to a question, a tidbit of advice. I went to the Internet. I went to the bookstore. I encountered so many different perspectives: parenting naturally, free parenting, transformational parenting, positive parenting, parenting in the 21<sup>st<\/sup> century, parenting in the age of entitlement, parenting in the age of social media, parenting in the age of plenty, just to name a few.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\">And now, I\u2019m overwhelmed. Where do I begin? And what is right for me and for my family?<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\">An &#8216;overwhelmed with information&#8217; parent<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p>No matter where you turn today, someone has advice for families; there are countless resources about parenting and families, including books, magazines, websites, videos, blogs\u00a0&#8211;\u00a0too plentiful to even cite a few for fear that I might miss one.<\/p>\n<ul style=\"text-align: justify\">\n<li>How can we support families as they seek to explore questions and seek answers?<\/li>\n<li>How can we sift through the vast amounts of information we have at our fingertips?<\/li>\n<li>What are the absolute essentials of raising a family and parenting in today\u2019s generation?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\">Today\u2019s post takes a philosophical stance toward action, a way to get families thinking of what it ultimately means to engage and parent in today\u2019s generation. Family engagement is much greater than supervising homework, attending school functions, and reading report cards. Engagement is a lifelong task that begins when parents first hold their little one and continues for a lifetime.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\">Strategies this week are framed using the basics of the ABCs. I&#8217;m not a perfect parent, and it is certainly not as easy as it looks on paper\u2026 but over the\u00a0years, these are the lessons I\u2019ve learned about raising a family with my kids,\u00a0with my parents, and with the families and children with whom I&#8217;ve worked and encountered. Feel free to make them your own by revising, adding, deleting, or rewriting! Hayden (my grandson), at five, quite simply stated, &#8220;Family is\u2026 being together!&#8221;<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\"><strong>Engage your families\u00a0&#8211; children and youth included &#8211; in a creative exploration of what it means to be an engaged family.<\/strong><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright wp-image-740\" src=\"https:\/\/wpms.nipissingu.ca\/familyengagement\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/26\/2014\/12\/family-285x300.jpg\" alt=\"family\" width=\"180\" height=\"189\" srcset=\"https:\/\/wpms.nipissingu.ca\/familyengagement\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/26\/2014\/12\/family-285x300.jpg 285w, https:\/\/wpms.nipissingu.ca\/familyengagement\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/26\/2014\/12\/family-142x150.jpg 142w, https:\/\/wpms.nipissingu.ca\/familyengagement\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/26\/2014\/12\/family.jpg 442w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 180px) 100vw, 180px\" \/><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\"><span style=\"color: #000080\"><strong>A<\/strong><\/span> <strong>\u2013<\/strong> <strong>Admire.<\/strong>\u00a0Talk to children, especially youth,\u00a0about people who make\u00a0a difference in your life and why you admire and look up to these people; encourage them to do the same. Tell stories about family members or friends who have shown courage, kindness, humour, or determination in their lives.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\"><strong>B \u2013Boundaries.\u00a0<\/strong>We all need them. Be a role model, and have high expectations for behaviour. Be the best that you can be everyday, and encourage your children to do the same.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\"><strong>C \u2013 Change<\/strong>. Be who you need to be for your children and for your family. Discuss\u00a0areas that need to change, perhaps things you\u2019re not overly proud of (as an individual and a family), and find the courage to change. Families are not static entities; they are organic and ever-changing, always striving to be stronger today than they were yesterday.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\"><strong>D \u2013 Diversity<\/strong>. There are so many different people in this world, so many different thoughts and ideas. It is important that we recognize each individual\u2019s and each family\u2019s right to be unique and celebrate difference. Just because they don\u2019t do things the same way we do does not make it wrong, just different. And\u2026 the greatest similarity we share is that we are all different!<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\"><strong>E \u2013 Empathy.<\/strong> Not everyone in this world is as privileged as we are. Talk about the rights, roles, and responsibilities of being a citizen in the world. Discuss and contribute to local and global charities where feasible. Read books such as <a href=\"http:\/\/www.amazon.ca\/Every-Child-Various\/dp\/0099408651\/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1418310514&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=for+every+child\">For Every Child: The UN Convention of the Rights of the Child in Words and Pictures<\/a>; and Our Rights: <a href=\"http:\/\/www.amazon.ca\/Our-Rights-kids-changing-world\/dp\/1926920953\/ref=sr_1_16?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1418310650&amp;sr=8-16&amp;keywords=rights+children\">How Kids are Changing the World<\/a> by Janet Wilson.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\"><strong>F \u2013 Fairness<\/strong>. Children need to learn that it&#8217;s not all about getting exactly the same as everyone else (particularly their siblings). It is about being treated with fairness and getting exactly what they need to succeed. That is the ultimate fairness.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\"><strong>G \u2013 Gifts<\/strong>. Every child is special and should be celebrated for their uniqueness. Help them to see their gifts and how to share them to make the world a better place. Read books like <a href=\"http:\/\/www.amazon.ca\/Twelve-Gifts-Birth-Charlene-Costanzo\/dp\/0066211042\">The Twelve Gifts of Birth<\/a> by Charlene Costanza.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\"><strong>H \u2013Hope. <\/strong>Be optimistic. Be hopeful. Look toward\u00a0the\u00a0future. Dream with your child. Set goals and work toward them. Never, ever give up on your child. View <a href=\"http:\/\/www.ted.com\/talks\/cameron_herold_let_s_raise_kids_to_be_entrepreneurs\">Let&#8217;s raise kids to be entrepreneurs<\/a>\u00a0where Cameron Herold makes\u00a0the case for parenting and education that helps would-be entrepreneurs flourish \u2014 as kids and as adults.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\"><strong><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft wp-image-714\" src=\"https:\/\/wpms.nipissingu.ca\/familyengagement\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/26\/2014\/12\/parentig-learning.jpg\" alt=\"parentig learning\" width=\"107\" height=\"107\" \/>I \u2013 Information.<\/strong> Inform but don\u2019t overwhelm yourself. Choose the most useful resources, the ones with messages that are easy to implement. Seek advice from those you know share similar thoughts, ideas, and values. Do not set yourself the impossible task of being perfect.\u00a0Seek information with the intent of \u00a0strengthening your family not perfecting it.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\"><strong>J \u2013 Joy.<\/strong> Kids grow up so fast. See the joy in\u00a0all you do!\u00a0Young\u00a0kids can help us unplug from the busyness of our day-to-day lives and live in the moment. Kids say and do the most amazing things. They love you unconditionally and hug you unexpectedly. Young or youth will fascinate (and intimidate) you with their awareness of technology or the world. Give thanks for these moments of joy.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\"><strong>K \u2013 Kids.<\/strong> As I raised my children, I was guided quite simply by Barbara Coloroso\u2019s guidelines in <a href=\"http:\/\/www.amazon.ca\/Kids-Are-Worth-Responsible-Compassionate\/dp\/0143175432\">Kids Are Worth It! Raising Resilient, Responsible, Compassionate Kids<\/a>. While not always easy, in the face of decisions my children made, I learned with her guidance to ask, \u201cIs it illegal, immoral, or unhealthy?\u201d I also learned how important it was for children to hear these six critical life messages:\u00a0<i>I believe in you.\u00a0<\/i><i>I trust in you.\u00a0<\/i><i>I know you can handle it.\u00a0<\/i><i>You are listened to.\u00a0<\/i><i>You are cared for.\u00a0<\/i><i>You are very important to me.<\/i><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\"><strong>L \u2013 Laughter.<\/strong> Laugh often. There is no day that cannot be made better by laughter. Try to start your day with laughter, try to finish it with laughter no matter how tough. Children are funny and sometimes, we just have to laugh with them. Listen when they say, even in moments of sadness, \u201cIt\u2019s okay mom, you can laugh. We really are that funny!\u201d<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\"><strong>M \u2013 Mistakes.<\/strong> The greatest one you can make is not trying! Allow yourself to make mistakes. We are not perfect. Our children are not perfect. Our schools are not perfect. Look for the learning inherent in each mistake \u2013 it is there, even if buried under layers of frustration and angst. Allow your children to make mistakes \u2013 they will indeed have a car accident, they will overspend on their VISA. Don\u2019t solve the problem for them, hold them accountable but not shameful, and\u00a0show them how to deal appropriately and efficiently with mistakes so that they are well prepared for the future. Be sure to apologize if and when\u00a0necessary.<img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright wp-image-718\" src=\"https:\/\/wpms.nipissingu.ca\/familyengagement\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/26\/2014\/12\/maslow-300x300.jpg\" alt=\"maslow\" width=\"153\" height=\"153\" srcset=\"https:\/\/wpms.nipissingu.ca\/familyengagement\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/26\/2014\/12\/maslow-300x300.jpg 300w, https:\/\/wpms.nipissingu.ca\/familyengagement\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/26\/2014\/12\/maslow-150x150.jpg 150w, https:\/\/wpms.nipissingu.ca\/familyengagement\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/26\/2014\/12\/maslow.jpg 600w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 153px) 100vw, 153px\" \/><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\"><strong>N \u2013 Needs.<\/strong>\u00a0Every child and family have different needs; fundamentally, these include food, water, shelter, safety, security, belonging, and self-esteem, all with the goals of becoming the very best that we can be.\u00a0Families meet\u00a0the needs of their children\u00a0in many different ways. One high school principal I knew told his families at high school orientation told attending families, &#8220;You send them to us well-rested, well-fed, and well-loved, and we&#8217;ll take care of the rest.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\"><strong>O \u2013 Opportunity.<\/strong> Your children will be with you for a very short time. Instead of asking, \u201cHow much longer do I need to put up with this, ask, \u201cHow much longer will I have the opportunity to do this?\u201d It\u2019s not always easy, but making enjoyment a critical aspect of daily living sets us on the right path. Be open to life as it unfolds \u2013 some days will be easier than others.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\"><strong><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft wp-image-704\" src=\"https:\/\/wpms.nipissingu.ca\/familyengagement\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/26\/2014\/12\/henson-300x200.jpg\" alt=\"henson\" width=\"160\" height=\"107\" srcset=\"https:\/\/wpms.nipissingu.ca\/familyengagement\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/26\/2014\/12\/henson-300x200.jpg 300w, https:\/\/wpms.nipissingu.ca\/familyengagement\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/26\/2014\/12\/henson-224x150.jpg 224w, https:\/\/wpms.nipissingu.ca\/familyengagement\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/26\/2014\/12\/henson-150x100.jpg 150w, https:\/\/wpms.nipissingu.ca\/familyengagement\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/26\/2014\/12\/henson.jpg 800w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 160px) 100vw, 160px\" \/>P \u2013 Parent.<\/strong> Who are you as a parent? Do you treat your children as you want to be treated? Do you negotiate the negotiables? Do you provide choices? Do you consider things from their perspective? Do you live as you want them to learn (see <a href=\"http:\/\/www.empowermentresources.com\/info2\/childrenlearn-long_version.html\">Children Learn What They Live<\/a>)? Parent collaboratively and supportively, and recognize that it often takes a village to raise a child.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\"><strong>Q \u2013 Question.<\/strong>\u00a0Ask, don&#8217;t tell. Ask children for help or ideas, rather than telling them what you believe: &#8220;What do you think about that? How do you think we could handle that?&#8221; And don\u2019t take everything at face value\u2026 just because it\u2019s on a website, just because someone said it in conversation, just because it\u2019s posted as a top ten in parenting doesn\u2019t make it right for your family. Question and interrogate in order to make sense of it all, and teach your children to do the same.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\"><strong>R \u2013 Respect.<\/strong> Respect yourself, respect your children, respect your family, respect your school, respect this earth. Respect others in all the forms this takes. Do not judge why or why not they do things, but instead recognize your right to be who you\u00a0are as a family.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\"><strong>S \u2013 Support<\/strong>. Support your child, support the school, support your family. This does not man that you do everything. Support comes in many different ways and some of the most powerful support is in word and attitude. Let your child do the work, but be a guide on the side. Send in a book that responds to a topic in class. Be there when needed.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\"><strong>T \u2013 Time.<\/strong> Try not to schedule your life so tightly that you don\u2019t have time to enjoy it! In our generation of plenty, we often feel that a highly stimulated and scheduled child and family is a healthy family. Sometimes, we need to schedule time to do almost nothing &#8211; to relax, to find peace in chaos, to stop and smell the flowers, and time to just be family. Try an online calendar that hooks the entire family up &#8211; youth included (e.g., <a href=\"https:\/\/www.google.com\/calendar\">Google Calendar<\/a> or <a href=\"http:\/\/www.cozi.com\">Cozi<\/a>).<a href=\"https:\/\/wpms.nipissingu.ca\/familyengagement\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/26\/2014\/12\/value.jpg\"><br \/>\n<\/a><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\"><strong><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright wp-image-713 \" src=\"https:\/\/wpms.nipissingu.ca\/familyengagement\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/26\/2014\/12\/great-parenting-grafitti-300x258.jpg\" alt=\"great parenting grafitti\" width=\"228\" height=\"196\" srcset=\"https:\/\/wpms.nipissingu.ca\/familyengagement\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/26\/2014\/12\/great-parenting-grafitti-300x258.jpg 300w, https:\/\/wpms.nipissingu.ca\/familyengagement\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/26\/2014\/12\/great-parenting-grafitti-173x150.jpg 173w, https:\/\/wpms.nipissingu.ca\/familyengagement\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/26\/2014\/12\/great-parenting-grafitti-150x129.jpg 150w, https:\/\/wpms.nipissingu.ca\/familyengagement\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/26\/2014\/12\/great-parenting-grafitti.jpg 590w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 228px) 100vw, 228px\" \/>U \u2013 Unconditional love.\u00a0<\/strong>No matter what, no matter when, no matter why, let your children know that \u00a0you will always love them. You might not always like the choices they make or the way they behave, but that will never take away your love.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\"><strong>V \u2013 Values<\/strong>. Teaching values takes time but begins with modelling and discussion from the very beginning. Talking about little moral conundrums when they are young sets the scene for more in depth discussions as they get older. Use personal and everyday experiences and media (text, video, internet, blog) as springboards for conversations.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\"><strong>W \u2013 Why.<\/strong> Sometimes we need to ask, \u201cWhy? Why didn\u2019t you\u2026?\u201d We might be surprised by the response, \u201cWhy did. But then again, there are times when it is safer not to ask, \u201cWhy didn\u2019t you\u2026?\u201d Or \u201cWhy don\u2019t you\u2026?\u201d particularly if you are unprepared for the response (I recall hearing, \u201cDo you really want to know the answer to that question?\u201d) or if you feel that the conversation might take you into uncomfortable places.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\"><strong>X \u2013 Examine.<\/strong> Assumptions and preconceived notions can be dangerous things. Commit to identifying, examining, and letting go of preconceived notions and assumptions about others, parenting, the way you think things should be, what it means to be the perfect parent, how you think others view you. Find what is right for you and for your family. Don&#8217;t impose your views and assumptions on others and don\u2019t let\u00a0them to impose theirs on you.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\"><strong>Y \u2013 Yes.<\/strong> Say yes, when you can, and no when you can\u2019t. Maybe later, not now, perhaps tomorrow. But be careful not to make promises. You are the parent and sometimes this means making tough decisions. You might have to say no despite the fact that she tells you that everyone else is going or no those shoes will not make you jump higher or no technology through the night. Although your child might feel that the world is falling apart, likely it will still be in tact tomorrow.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\"><strong>Z \u2013 Zzzzzz.<\/strong> Sleep! You\u2019ll need it. When they are little, sleep when they sleep. Power nap if you can. You\u2019ll need that huge store of sleep for when they are older and staying up later than you do. My mom always said she never slept until we were all in. Now I believe her and I give thanks that my night owls no longer live in the same house that I do!<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter  wp-image-712\" src=\"https:\/\/wpms.nipissingu.ca\/familyengagement\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/26\/2014\/12\/Screen-Shot-2014-12-11-at-11.06.45-AM-243x300.png\" alt=\"Screen Shot 2014-12-11 at 11.06.45 AM\" width=\"225\" height=\"278\" srcset=\"https:\/\/wpms.nipissingu.ca\/familyengagement\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/26\/2014\/12\/Screen-Shot-2014-12-11-at-11.06.45-AM-243x300.png 243w, https:\/\/wpms.nipissingu.ca\/familyengagement\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/26\/2014\/12\/Screen-Shot-2014-12-11-at-11.06.45-AM-121x150.png 121w, https:\/\/wpms.nipissingu.ca\/familyengagement\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/26\/2014\/12\/Screen-Shot-2014-12-11-at-11.06.45-AM.png 708w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 225px) 100vw, 225px\" \/><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\"><strong>What woud you<\/strong> <strong>revise, add, delete, or rewrite to make relevant to your family?<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The sheer bombardment of information about parenting and raising a family is intimidating, particularly for those\u00a0who are looking for a simple answer to what they feel is a simple question. How can schools, school councils, school boards, community agencies, or even other families help families to weed through all this \u2026 <a class=\"continue-reading-link\" href=\"https:\/\/wpms.nipissingu.ca\/familyengagement\/2014\/12\/11\/abcs-of-engaged-families-in-the-21st-century\/\"> Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr; <\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":139,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[7,13],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-697","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-empowering-families","category-strategies-for-families"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t<!-- All in One SEO 4.9.9 - aioseo.com -->\n\t<meta name=\"description\" content=\"The sheer bombardment of information about parenting and raising a family is intimidating, particularly for those who are looking for a simple answer to what they feel is a simple question. 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